Why Holidays are Exhausting (Now)

I’m finally coming up for air from Easter weekend. And I’m still exhausted…mentally.

As with most holidays since receiving Livvy’s terminal diagnosis that stripped her of her abilities to walk, talk, and enjoy so many things in life, I dread them. Holidays are no longer what they used to be. They’re all now a glaring reminder of everything our daughter can no longer do.

While you would probably never know that by seeing me during the holidays because we keep things as absolutely normal as possible for the girls, I have to mentally prepare before each one.

How do we keep Livvy as involved with her sisters as possible? What “toys” do we get her now that she can’t even hold on to anything? What can we do to still give Keira and Eva the same opportunities as we normally would but not exclude Livvy? How can we have her help us decorate? Will the clothes we order be stretchy enough to go over her arms when she’s having trouble straightening them? What equipment and supplies should we bring if we have to go to a grandparents house? The questions go on and on.

It’s exhausting. And stressful. And sad.

But these are the things parents of children with MLD have to think about.

Not to mention the fact that with each passing holiday, we are one more holiday closer to her not being here. Which, as I write this, I suppose is a true statement for all of us but not a thought that is as omnipresent as it is for a parent of a terminally ill child.

Will this be her last Easter? Her last birthday? Her last Christmas? I think that thought on every holiday.

This Easter was particularly hard because Livvy was battling her 5th UTI in a row, spiked a fever and then had a seizure the morning we were going to take them all to meet their cousins at a nearby farm for an egg hunt with fair rides.

With an Easter excursion out of the plans for her, it was all about rest, relaxation, keeping her food and meds down and doing whatever we could to get a smile back on her face.

Thankfully, we got a new, additional medication prescribed (Augmentin), and it’s doing the trick to get her well. We are hoping it keeps these infections at bay (since Keflex did not) as we prepare for her 5th birthday next month. A very happy occasion, absolutely, but another event that will take its toll both mentally and emotionally.

To my fellow parents of terminally ill children: stay strong and don’t feel bad about taking a break after the holidays. I know I always need one, and Lord knows we ALL deserve it! ❤️

Easter with our girls 🥰

Livvy’s 1st Seizure

While I wouldn’t normally write a blog about something like this, I felt it was almost my duty as an MLD parent to share our story. Even the upsetting or sad parts. Because MLD is so rare some doctors have never even heard of it. And oftentimes it’s the other MLD parents who I get the best information from. Because they have been there done that and know what works (and what doesn’t). The amount of information on the internet regarding Metachromatic Leukodystrophy is alarmingly small.

So in case there is another parent in my shoes looking for answers, I wanted to share another part of our journey. Today, Livvy had her first seizure. I say first because seizures can be common in MLD children and once they happen they are more likely to reoccur.

This morning when we went to get her out of bed, we found she had thrown up and was actively having a seizure. I rushed to get the Diazepam (Valium) and as our doctors instructed gave her 10mL to stop the seizure. It took anywhere from 15-30 minutes for it to stop. We got her all cleaned up, and stayed by her side talking to her until she was able to fall asleep.

In the meantime, I had also called Hospice of the Valley who had a nurse on their way (aptly named Angel) and called both of our mothers, who rushed over.

Hospice took her vitals, which were normal. Said we did all the right things and the nurse called the doctor to get his thoughts. He initially recommended Attivan but we had tried that with Livvy before simply for anxiety and she did not like it at all. Was very uncomfortable. So we asked to just remain on Diazepam, which they thought was fine.

While they were here we also called the girls’ neurologist Dr. Vinodh Narayanan. He got back to me after Hospice had left and recommended we first get an EEG to check activity before deciding on a plan. He also recommended a nasal spray form of Diazepam (which I can’t remember the name of now but will update the post once I get it). This comes in two bottles, each 5mg. Use one bottle in one nostril and if it doesn’t stop the seizure you use the other bottle. He recommended this since it can be more quick acting than administering Diazepam through her G-Tube.

After we got off the phone I also sent him a video of Livvy mid-seizure. It’s terrible to have to take a video of your child while they’re undergoing something so traumatic but it came in handy and was important for our doctor to fully understand what was happening and decide the best course of action.

From the video, he thought it looked like she was having an epileptic seizure; a complex partial type, rather than a grand mal convulsion. Based on that he recommended we start anti-seizure medication right away but still get the EEG done (which can be done here at home) and use Diazepam when they do occur.

The Hospice doctor suspected that her immune system may have been weakened by a viral infection which lowered her threshold for seizures. Given that we were all sick last week (not from Covid) and she threw up again later in the day we think he was right. We had hoped since it had been a week we had done enough to keep her clear of it but unfortunately not. And as is the case with MLD kiddos, anytime they get sick their disease progresses (another reason we have still been semi-quarantining and taking extra measures to keep the girls safe and healthy).

Since the seizure Livvy can no longer move her left arm or control facial movements. Things that would normally make her smile so big (like talking about her baby sister Keira) don’t get a reaction. And it almost seemed as if she realized she couldn’t do it and got sad and almost started crying. I told her it was OK and that sometimes after seizures we can’t move like we used to but it can come back. As I have now learned post-seizure paralysis can be temporary. So we will see how it goes in the days ahead and keep everyone updated.

Love from the Rileys. ❤

Livvy resting after her seizure.