It was a few days before Mother’s Day this year that Dave had to remind me that it was coming up the next Sunday. And immediately I got that same feeling of dread and guilt that I felt on my first Mother’s Day after receiving Livvy’s diagnosis (coined D-Day). I was sick to my stomach.
While I know it’s not my or Dave’s “fault’ that this has happened to our children, you can’t help but feel like a bad parent when your child is terminally ill and there’s literally nothing you can do to fix it and make them better.
That first Mother’s Day and Father’s Day after we received Livvy’s (and then Keira’s) diagnosis were gut wrenching. Dave and I didn’t want to celebrate; we were heartbroken. I felt nauseous for months after receiving the news. It was one of the worst times of our lives knowing not one but two of our children has this terminal illness for which there was no cure. Why would we then turn around and celebrate us as parents?
Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day, suddenly went from being days to celebrate us as parents to days we dread.
While it seems each year it has gotten a tiny bit easier for me to process, it’s still a day I do not want to celebrate. I’d love to erase it from the calendar altogether if I could. But I know each year Eva, and soon Keira, will come home with gifts for us that they made at school. And we’ll be forced to put on those smiles and “celebrate,” at least taking comfort in the fact that it’s something the girls enjoy celebrating. For us though…I think it will always be hard.
What we do take comfort in though is the fact that we have done literally everything in our power to get them anything and everything we possibly could – whether it’s the only clinical trial in the world for symptomatic MLD patients, a life-saving gene therapy treatment in Italy for non-symptomatic MLD patients or just all the hugs, loves and happy life experiences we could think of. We would do anything for our girls.
And in the end, I know we deserve to be celebrated. But on days like those we just have to try extra hard to enjoy it.
2 thoughts on “Mother’s Day Rings Different After D-Day”
I know you know that God gave you these three special blessings for a reason, look at all the good you have done to get the word out for the Armor Foundation and the other parents that you have supported through this – each and every day is a celebration of life for all your precious girls- you make this world a better place by staying strong and fighting – love you all more than you know and sending you hugs ❤️❤️❤️😡
My heart breaks for you and David as you try to normalize each day for your daughters sakes. Know that I pray for you all daily, that the Good Lord, our God, gives you strength and gives your family more time to hug and love one another. You are amazing parents. God Bless you all.